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Issue 345
23 October 2011
Updated Weekly

Best thing ever

OLD BAG: This is an archive story from Issue 191 - 16 Apr 2007
Chelsea, Manchester United

In a league on their own

Sliced bread

Sliced bread: Old hat

Empty seats

Blackburn fans enjoy their day out

Fans and media agree - Premiership is tops

Premier League bosses were delighted this week after their competition was declared "The Best Thing Ever" by people who know about this sort of thing.

The announcement follows the amazing feats of British clubs in Europe this week (except Tottenham) where three Premiership clubs qualified for the Champions League semi-finals. It's the first time one country has provided three semi-finalist except for 2000 when three spanish clubs made it, and 2003 when three Italian clubs made it.

Mother's Pride

The title of best thing in the world ever has been held for many years by sliced bread; the only thing that has been anywhere close to dislodging it from its lofty perch was Febreze for a few weeks in 2002. A spokesperson from the Bread Council told us they were happy for the Premier League but warned that there are new, exciting innovations coming up in the world of bread that will see them recapture their top spot again.

Not boring at all

The award marks a turnaround in public perceptions, following calls last year that domestic football was in danger of becoming boring because of the domination of super rich clubs. "Boring is such a negative word - we like to call it differently interesting," marketing consultant Ernesto Cockgroupier told intrepid Onion Bag reporter Larry Gak. "Having just a few clubs able to realistically compete makes it much easier for new fans to get involved in the game. Choosing one from twenty clubs would be too baffling for most people."

Better than 'Crazy' League

"The Premier League is far better than La Liga," Cockgroupier insisted. "Just a quick glance at their crazy league table shows eight clubs vying for Champions League positions. At this late stage of the season how is anyone meant to be to be able to forward plan and hog all the big sponsorship deals?"

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Also in Issue 191