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Issue 345
23 October 2011
Updated Weekly

Crisis in FA as Transfer Window fails to open

OLD BAG: This is an archive story from Issue 28 - 29 Dec 2003

Microsoft Football Transfers for Windows

Orphans: Back up plan

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Panic swept through the halls of Soho Square this week as an attempt to open the Transfer Window failed.

"We usually open the window once very briefly before the actual date," said one frantic FA official "but this time it wouldn't open."

Computer boffins were left red faced and blue screened as the windows stubbornly refused to open.

"Every time we went to open it, a message flashed up saying 'This Programme has performed an illegal operation and must be shut down.'", spluttered Dr Julius Limbani, Senior Lecturer at MIT "It hasn't worked properly since that Harry Kewell transfer."


The Onion Bag helpfully offered the advice of switching it off and then back on again only to be met with stony faced silence.

Back up systems are in place should the Window fail to open on time. This involves Albanian orphans with Asylum applications pending running from club to club with red flags carrying sealed bidding envelopes.

The Onion Bag hunted down Bill Gates, developer of the Transfer Window application (Microsoft Transfers for Windows), to his Underground lair in Redmond, Washington, U S of A for an explanation of potential fiasco:

"Well obviously," the Microsoft guru claimed, "the Window wasn't shut down correctly. It couldn't be due to any fault from our software. Besides we have no record of this product being registered by the FA. According to our sources it was acquired from a street merchant in Kuala Lumpur"

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Also in Issue 28