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Issue 345
23 October 2011
Updated Weekly

Neville: I've shagged birds too, honest

OLD BAG: This is an archive story from Issue 43 - 19 Apr 2004

Gary and Becks: In happier times

David Beckham

Becks today: Getting his jollies

United defender denies Andrew Ridgely complex

Following the revelations of David Beckham's private life, it has transpired that his best friend and former club-mate Gary Neville is desperate to confess to his own secret assignations.

Yeah Yeah Yeah

"Yeah, I'm a regular playboy me" he boasted. "Before he met Posh, me and Dave would paint the town red, going to clubs and chatting up birds."

"Yeah I introduced them, yeah she fancied me really, but you know, she weren't really my type - I can't stand those posh birds. I reckon she only went with him so she could make me jealous. Didn't work - love 'em and leave 'em that's me." When asked if he could expand on these conquests he became strangely aloof and decided to change the subject.

"Yeah I've always tried to help Dave out. See I've always been the big money earner so I gave him a few deals - Pepsi, Adidas, Vodaphone - that was a good one - you get unlimited text messages with that one."

If you leave me now

As this journalist got up from his seat in a particularly lonely press conference Gary continued, "no don't leave, come back, let's go down the pub, I know this great club - cracking birds, they let you touch their tits - so I've heard."

As we got into the car he tapped on the window mouthing something - but we already had Magic FM playing a classic from Chicago so we couldn't make it out. No loss.

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Also in Issue 43