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Issue 345
23 October 2011
Updated Weekly

Lynam the Cross Dresser

OLD BAG: This is an archive story from Issue 60 - 23 Aug 2004
Des Lynam

Des: Back in the day

Des Lynam

Des: Moving with the times

Suzi Perry

Perry: Must stay at least 100 yards away from

TV Des wants to go back on TV

Former ITV footy anchorman Des Lynam is bidding to return to the small screen only this time as a transvestite sports presenter.

The housewives choice is set to become the next gay icon as Lynam plans to ditch the sexy tash and don the fishnets as he looks to get back into our living rooms.

Sophisticated Momma

"The idea came to me last Friday." Said the 70's porn star look-alike "I was watching the Olympics and Suzi Perry was delivering a report while walking bare footed along an Athens beach and thought to myself, you know, once upon a time that would have been me. All I see are sexy ladies presenting sport, from cracking Kirsty Gallagher to gorgeous Georgie Thompson. Seems if a chap wants the top gigs he's got to be a chick. And then it hit me. I could be that chick."

Product Placement

"And so, before you could say Lipton's Iced Tea," he continued without prompting, "I was raiding Mrs. Lynam's wardrobe and bish bosh, introducing Deirdre Lynam, broadcasting honey trap. All right?"

Des, or Deirdre as he wants to be known, unveiled his glamerous new look while modeling for fashion designer Claude de Citron's latest line of lingerie known as remettez vos eues dedans. Ms de Citrons is confidant that Lynam will be a Sporting TV hit. "He is soooo much better dressed than that ghastly Hazel Irving."

W**k fodder

The Onion Bag asked Des if he thought that he was just cashing in on the FHM generation and that the increasing presence of desirable belles on TV was actually exploiting women rather than emancipating them he replied. "Yeah right. Here, take this Anne Summers catalogue and come back when your a man sonny."

And so we did.

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Also in Issue 60