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Issue 345
23 October 2011
Updated Weekly

Premier League Managers in Love

OLD BAG: This is an archive story from Issue 75 - 6 Dec 2004
Martin Jol

Jol: Desire

Iain Dowie

Dowie: Desired

Village People

Village people: Desirable

Dowie and I can be more that friends, says Jol

Martin Jol has rocked the football world with a shock revelation that he would like to have a homosexual love affair with rival premiership boss Iain Dowie. The shock statement came after a week of slanging between the two managers in the press.

Sho what

"You shee the Dowie he made me angry wid 'is commentsh" Jol explained. "I wash mad, you know, like a crasy man! Who ish dis Dowie, to be tellin' me my bishnish. All week, you know, it'sh playing on ma head, until I get why I'm sho mad. I think it'sh like in those crasy love stories and ahm falling in love wid him."

Shorry mesh

"I shed some mean things, prob'ly in the moment of passion" he continued. "But now I know that we were meant to be luversh."

When asked what he thought Dowie told the Onion Bag "I'm glad the whole sorry mess is over, but I must say Jol's romantic advances are purely unacceptable."

Saying f**k

"I don't know how they do things on the continent and maybe he's had a lot of success in the bordellos of Amsterdam, but over here it's common decency to find out if your prospective lover is 'top' or 'bottom'. How embarrassing would it be to have a nice candlelit dinner only to find out during the dessert course that you both only like to f**k men up the arse rather than be f**ked up the arse. I mean it would put a dampener on things wouldn't it."

Dowie's comments are expected to fuel the dispute even further.

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Also in Issue 75