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Issue 345
23 October 2011
Updated Weekly

Wenger Swoops For Existing Players

OLD BAG: This is an archive story from Issue 9 - 13 Aug 2003
Patrick Vieira

Vieira: This way to the bank

Robert Pires

Pires: Did not even consider moving to Chelsea


For legal reasons we cannot say that this is a Nike sweatshop

Arsene Wenger was cock a hoop today after having secured the services of Arsenal midfield dynamic duo Patrick Vieira and Robert Pires following months of speculation all summer that they would make big money moves to among others Chelsea, Manchester United, Real Madrid and of course Luton Town.


"This is a great day for the football club." said a jubilant Wenger. "with these two signings we can finally concentrate on the important things such as sticking it to that foul mouth scottish ...ow you say... git."

Vieira was said to be delighted to sign a new contract for the Gunners. In a statement release on the clubs web site he said. "I am delighted to sign a new contract for the Gunners."

Pires in turn was thrilled to commit himself to Arsenal: "I am thrilled to commit myself to Arsenal." he said once again in a statement on the clubs web site.

Chief Executive David Dein said: "The club are both delighted and thrilled that Robert and Patrick should be so commited to the club." while checking his pockets for loose change.

Just do it

This latest development comes on the back of a breakthrough in the search for sufficient funds for their proposed new stadium in Ashburton Grove when the club announced a new £150 sponsorship deal with sportswear manufacturer Nike.

"We plan to make a contribution to the local community in more ways than by providing money towards the new stadium." announced a Nike Spokesperson."We intend to make good use of the basement area to provide excellent job oppurtunities for local textile workers in the North London area."

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Also in Issue 9